


even if you stay for a while and then leave

by dotdotmoon



Series: scrapped valentines [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, Difficult Decisions, Hurt No Comfort, Living Together, M/M, broken!kaisoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 04:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotdotmoon/pseuds/dotdotmoon
Summary: "Jongin," Kyungsoo says when he doesn't feel like tossing the rag into the sink anymore, doesn't want it to tear a hole all the way through the floor anymore, "we can't go on like this."





	even if you stay for a while and then leave

**Author's Note:**

> this is part four of a series of fics i wanted to write for everyone who doesn't have a good time on valentine's day. it's a bs day, you're not alone. i'm very late but here we go!
> 
> 🎶 the fic title is a line borrowed from 'that's okay' by kyungsoo
> 
> content notes:  
\- food mention  
\- this is a fic about breaking up. it's final, there's no hopeful or opening ending!  
\- please also keep in mind we're only seeing one side of the story here, and it's absolutely fine for people to break up when they cannot reconcile their differences. we can and always will make mistakes, the question is whether we learn and grow from them

"Are you sulking again?" Kyungsoo asks. His hands are still on the cutting board where he was chopping cabbage. He doesn't turn around, swallows down a big sigh, briefly thinks he should have swallowed down the question as well when it's followed by a telling familiar silence. He grabs a wet rag and wipes the knife clean carefully, dries it off, sets it aside. He can't tell if his hands are shaking from frustration or because he fears this confrontation. It makes him tense, stiff, makes his skin feel too tight.

He'd tell Jongin they could talk about it later and walk away, as he often does for their sake, but Jongin's standing in the kitchen doorway, not meeting his eyes. Pouting, as predicted. Kyungsoo thought it cute not too long ago, liked kissing it from his face, liked it when he pretended, kept pouting over the smallest things until he collapsed into laughter at Kyungsoo's unaimed pecks. Now, it merely adds a hot flash of rage at his immaturity to his frustration; not enough to make it boil over, but Kyungsoo takes care not to step closer, to wait with voicing his next sentence out, to grip the rag in his hand a little tighter.

"Jongin," he says when he doesn't feel like tossing the rag into the sink anymore, doesn't want it to tear a hole all the way through the floor anymore, "we can't go on like this."

His tone doesn't sound harsh to his ears but Jongin does his teary puppy eyes blink in defense, as if Kyungsoo's picked the wrong person to reprimand, has mistaken him for someone else, not the man he's been dating for a year, lived with for months. As if Kyungsoo didn't know him well enough to anticipate his reply, futilely hoping for a sign of a will to change.

"I don't want to go alone," Jongin whines.

He's not even dressed, Kyungsoo notes, still in his pyjamas, hair a mess. Kyungsoo can barely concentrate on anything but the way he sounds breathless and close to tears. Has to remind himself it's just the weekly visit with Jongin's family. For a moment Kyungsoo feels bad, has to steel himself against the image of Jongin's niblings' sad little faces when they'll hear Kyungsoo won't come and play grocery store with them, tell them stories about the one he works at.  
He takes a deep breath, deposits the rag on the counter. He wants to wash his hands, then drive out into the next lonely forest hours away to scream himself hoarse.

"I told you on Monday. You could have cancelled by now," he says calmly. Cuts Jongin off with a gesture of his hand when he makes to reply, to whine more. Jongin knows his exam is coming up, knows he needs today to prepare. "I'm not a shield for you to carry everywhere when you feel uncomfortable. You're in charge of your own comfort. I'm—you can't keep hoping to change my mind by pouting and sulking at me for hours."

Jongin takes it as badly as he guessed he would. There are tears rolling down his cheeks now and he's sniffling. That alone chips away at Kyungsoo's heart, even if it feels like a block of ice right now. He refuses to look at his expression, tries to give him the benefit of doubt—maybe he forgot, pushed it aside until now—but his mother's right. It's a rigid pattern, a play they keep performing until Kyungsoo wields, each time.

He's not sure Jongin's even listening to him anymore, too preoccupied with his misery, and that makes it easier to say what he wants to say. "Maybe it's best we don't see each other for a while. Until you learn to take no for an answer."

Kyungsoo waits for a reaction, lets several moments pass, offers a sad smile when there's nothing. He tries to squeeze past Jongin who's leaning against the door jamb, starting the list of things he'll have to pack in his head.  
He's almost past when Jongin wraps an arm around his waist—and Kyungsoo lets him for a moment, wishes either of them deserved the comfort of a hug right now, before he gently pushes his arm away.

"Do you even care about me," Jongin chokes, whispers out, barely comprehensible.

Kyungsoo turns around against his better judgement, sees him still looking at the floor. He looks as pathetic as Kyungsoo feels, his face red and already puffy from crying.

"You know what," Kyungsoo says and tries to ignore how much Jongin's words sting and hurt, "maybe it would be better if we broke up. I can't stay with you if you question my love for you every time we have an argument."

He feels an odd calm, almost serene, wash over him, can barely believe he said it. Kyungsoo's been thinking it, occasionally, when he was at his wit's end, before he decided he should try again. Now it's out there and he's exhausted to the bone, can feel his affection for Jongin peeling off like thick, cheap paint, and he doesn't want to acknowledge what's below, not now, not here.

He expected Jongin to be sobbing but his—ex-boyfriend just stares.

"I love you," Kyungsoo adds and feels tears well up in his eyes, "and I can't do this anymore. You being immature is—it's not my responsibility."

Jongin just swallows thickly. "I—I can leave," he says, and Kyungsoo wishes he couldn't see it's a desperate attempt to win him over, an offer Jongin doesn't mean.

"The dogs, you—it's just me this way." He turns on his heel before Jongin can reply, ends the conversation here and there.

Jongin steps out of the kitchen, barefoot, rubbing his eyes with a sleeve when Kyungsoo pulls his shoes on without unlacing them. He's leaving his knife behind, the utensils his late grandmother bought him, hopes he can come back for them one day but doesn't count on it. He also hopes Jongin will throw the chopped cabbage out before it starts to reek.

"Jongin," he begins, shoulders his bag. Realises neither of the dogs came to check on him as he packed, for some reason, shoves the thought of them aside. Falters at the sudden, hopeful expression on Jongin's face. "Goodnight," he finishes, as gently as he can. Forces his voice into something steady and firm. "Change the code on the lock."

**Author's Note:**

> that was that!!  
people pouting their way out of everything is a horrible habit everyone should unlearn. i needed to get this off my chest. sorry, jongin ;;;
> 
> ty for reading 💔  
please let me know if it made you feel anything
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/fakeclover) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/fakeclover)


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